My Child, II

My child
Rocking you gently
humming your dreams to you,
you stir,
awaken from such
soft stillness;
You gaze into my face
reflecting my love.

Have you
forgotten so quickly
The words I lashed you with,
my temper that tumbled out
toward you,
my tiredness that blamed you?

You look at me with such
trusting eyes.
Sometimes I turn from that look,
such trust is too much to carry.


My child,
I do love you
But Oh, How I fail you.
Forgive me;
and rest with me in
the arms that hold us both.

Favorite Moments, Favorite Books

Do you remember where you read your favorite books over the years?
I woke up this morning thinking about the veranda facing West over a grand view at my college on top of Lookout Mountain. I often finished dinner and took my assigned book with a cup of coffee and set at a glass-topped table for a read. Frequently winds and storms would accompany me during my studies. The book that I remember one night was The Christian Mind by Harry Blamires. As the winds rushed by they seemed to blow the truths of this book into my soul. Now that's the way to study, learn, think and process life changing words. It is interesting that I remember vividly one of Blamire's tenets, that if we ever wanted to reach the hearts and minds of the younger generation we must never grow so analytical and abstract about beauty and truth that our hearts stopped swelling at the sight of a sunset or the glory of a rushing waterfall. That was 1971.
In 1968 as I was driving home on the bus in the forests of Colorado my senior year, surrounded by the mumble and jumble of highschoolers when I finished Of Mice and Men. My heart broke that afternoon. I wept, unable to wait until I was alone. I'll never forget Linnie pleading for his brother to describe their dream of the future, "Tell me George, what will it be like?" What he described resonated with the longing in me to reach Home. My worldview, which was agnostic at the time, did not give me the ability to read the ending of this book without feeling deep lose and despair. I wonder if Steinbeck wanted to break our hearts?
One of the first college assignments (1968) was Dicken's Hard Times. I read the first part of it while I had a long soak in the bathtub. What I remember most was, 'Wow, I HAVE to do this? I lovvveeee college.
In the summer of 1972 I gulped down C.S Lewis's Narnia Tales while on my coffee and lunch breaks, waitressing at George's Buffect in Colorado Springs. I found that his world often went with me as I served people, feeling like a fawn or maybe Rippichip was walking by my side. The second time I read this series I was pregnant with my 3rd child and it helped me rest and refresh myself at moments I'd steal away for myself. But the third time I (with my husband) walked through Narnia we took along our 3, 5 and 6 year old. They'd draw and color as he read. They enjoyed watching my engineering husband become choked up and misty over the many tender and poignant moments with Peter, Susan, Lucy and Edmund. And my saddest book reading experience was when we finished this series with 'Further up and Further in". I knew we'd never have this adventure together again. I didn't know that someday (2005) we would share this adventure together at the theatres. Though now ages range from 17 - 23 they acquiesced to my pleas, "Please, don't see it before we go as a family"? They love me and we enjoyed Aslan and his kingdom together.
My favorite novel was read while home from work with a cold (1974), when I was working at the University of Colorado: Sir Gibbie by George MacDonald. Many don't know this author and are missing out. He wrote 'for the child and the childlike'. He was a mentor to C.S.Lewis and used as a model for one of Lewis's characters in The Great Divorce.
While preparing to go to England and Scotland in 1978 I plunged into Dorothy Sayers light and fun Lord Peter Whimsey series. I felt I knew this country before I got there.
During that year I spent months travelling, visiting friends and friends of friends and studying at a christian study center, L'Abri. I will never forget the moments I read Os Guniness's, Doubt: Faith in Two Minds, in various rooms ot the manor house, including the drying room where the laundry dried. It was the warmest place to be in the winter time. It helped answer some of my deepest struggles in my life contemplating the problem of pain and suffering. Another time at this manor house I walked over to the stable apartment and was introduced to E.B White's Charlotte's Webb while listening to the Brandenberg Concertos.
As I traveled on the trains in England I immersed myself in my first Thomas Hardy novel. After returning to the states I went through the rest of his novels, keeping the aroma of England and it's countryside near me.
I can't finish this list without mentioning the most important words that changed my life in the Spring of 1969, sitting in a valley in Estes Park in the mountains of Colorado: "Then he (Jesus) said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me., For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self." I believed these words from Luke 9:23-25. The Bible still is my favorite of all my reads.
Not all of these books are a part of my Ten Favorite Book List, but their words and worlds are etched deeply into my heart and mind.
Tell me about your book experiences.
.

Emmanuel: God With Us - Part I and II

Part I
Introduction

God commands Christians to show hospitality in same way that He has shown hospitality to us. In trying to fulfill His commands there will be joy for those who serve others in mercy, and though a burden at times, it is a burden that blesses. The how of this type of opening up and connecting to a world full of wounded and needy will look different for every Christian; for His image bearers will display the diversity of His character when His own obediently use their gifts.

This model of hospitality is based on the love relationship within the trinity, the hospitality shown within the Old and New Testament. What follows is an examination of how the early Catholic Church went from being a beacon of hospitality into the middle ages when it was the last place for the poor to find rest.

And though the reformers devoted teaching to this area and did practice much hospitality in their communities, this paper will also examine how the breakdown in this mercy ministry failed equally in protestantism as it did in the Catholic church. Even today the lack of hospitality is evident across the evangelical church.

Part II
WHAT IS HOSPITALITY?

Hospitality usually involves food and a friendly offer of ourselves with a listening ear. There will be an examination why our culture today is refusing the call and most importantly be challenged to live the community that John the Apostle placed before the watching world, not allowing folks to live in lonely isolation but tenderly accepting and enveloping those God sends for mercy. If the church embraces the mercy of hospitality, the church will be a shadow of Heaven. When christians minister to others in need whether, hunger, nakedness, thirsty or lonely, so they welcomed God into their midst (Matthew 25).

God's Hospitality

Before the acts of creation that gave humanity a home, before days were numbered and nights were stretched from dusk to dawn, in the infinity before we existed, there was a community of three; the three in one trinity. They were one and yet three and at home with one another. They were the essence of shalom/peace, hesed/lovingkindness and safety. They experienced perfect unity and diversity; they were freedom and form.

In John 17:4 & 5, Jesus describes His relationship with God, “I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.”

Can we imagine this glory that the trinity had before the foundations of the earth? I think it is very hard in our concrete, limited and earthly minds to fathom what this fellowship was like, yet if we want to understand what true community looks like, this is our picture. The community within the Trinity is what our churches and homes should look like. Their relationship defines hospitality. This is the first picture that is our model.

What we know about the Godhead is to be gleaned from Genesis to Revelation as the Father with pride and affection talks of the son, of the son as he speaks of his father with the tender words of Daddy and of the son when he comforts us when he sends us the Spirit. Leonard Boff writes of this community: “Father, son and Holy Spirit live in community because of the communion between them. Communion is the experience of love and life” (Trinity and Society, Leonardo Boff, Orbis Books, Maryknoll, NY, 10545, 1988).

This is our absolute when we talk of community. Take time to read John 17 as he tenderly speaks to his intimate Father about His love for us. So, as we meditate on what God’s love looks like from within the trinity, so let that guide us to be that perfect community in the church.

Again, what is hospitality? An offer of our hearts and usually our food. And that reflects what we experience of God in communion. God does open His heart to us as He gives Himself to us in His Word and His Spirit. When we receive communion, we are receiving His food, Himself (whether actually or mystically is another question that I won't be addressing) which also reflects the great wedding feast that John speaks of in Revelation.

A Most Embarrassing Moment

There's so many first times as a newlywed. Being over 30 when I married I'd stored many experiences I wanted to share with that someone special. I was committed to sharing everything with the one I loved, the one I married.

During those first months of marriage I delighted in sharing all of those events with my husband; from being together grocery shopping to biking at the beach, to reading side by side or cooking our favorite foods together. Maybe this is a silly gal thing, I don't know, you'll have to let me know.

But that first trip to the mall was unforgettable, regrettably so for my husband.

We were at a beautiful southern California mall, South Coast Plaza, about two months into our marriage. I decided to introduce Steve to the lovely Crabtree and Evelyn store. He'd never had an occasion to frequent this store (and probably never will again!) so it was a unique experience. After browsing a bit Steve asked about the strawberry potpourri, "What's this for?" "You put it in your lingerie drawer and everything develops a wonderful smell."

Been there, done that, I decided to stroll on down the mall, thinking he saw me and was near me. Well, he didn't know I was gone when a brunette came near his side. Thinking it was me, he whispered out the side of his mouth, "I imagine your underwear smells like strawberries?

You need to understand that my husband is a very conservative, private gentleman and would never consider crudity or doing anything that embarrassed himself or another, especially a woman and a stranger.

Well, no, we don't know what her reaction was. Steve merely noticed that there was a very strong silence, no response from his 'wife'. Realizing that his 'wife' would never respond this way, he quickly shot out of the store and found me. He told me his tale which I thought was a lot funnier than he did. He was so embarrassed that it took him years until he'd let me share his 'most embarrasing moment' with others. He usually thought before he spoke, but now, more than ever he is careful where and when he speaks sweet nothings to me.

First Marriage - Only Marriage - A Love Story

I want to tell a love story - our love story, because it is full of romance,love and fun. Sometimes love stories brim with drama, despair and confusion and though rich and intense, end with sorrow. Ours is still continuing with much love and hope.

Steve and I met briefly in the fall of 1980 at a small church in St. Louis. We both thought the other was attractive, but it wasn’t until the January of 1981 that we had our first real conversation. So, it wasn’t quite ‘love at first sight’, but rather ‘very interested after first long conversation’. I revealed my age to Steve (knowing I was older) and he promised to tell me his age later. A few days later I received a bouquet of the most gorgeous, fragrant, long-stemmed red roses and a box of candy, addressed to: Flowers and Candy. My maiden name was Flowers and my roommates name was Candy. On it a note said: From one born two centuries after Mozart. After a short call to the library I found the answer. Despite the age difference Steve made it clear he was interested in getting to know me.

He had only 5 short weeks left before he transferred back to his job in California. During those weeks we spent most of our available non-work, non-sleep hours together, wining and dining, talking with long walks and sharing our favorites books, quotes, Bible passages, etc. I was a member of an excellent small church that acted as my family, approving him. He got me with lines like: “I thought it would be like Lewis, taking years to find someone to love and that I would be old before I found you.” He was interested in my heart, my feelings, my thoughts, my beliefs and just plain ol’me. I felt secure in his love and could tell he was a man of grace.

Nearing engagement I struggled with fears. I grew up in a home that was broken; no, not divorced, but broken relationships. I wondered if (as Barb Streisand sang), “You won’t bring me flowers anymore.” In response, Steve (now back in California) sent me another bunch of roses with a note saying: “Flowers are becoming to Flowers, just as flowers will be becoming to Ritchies, when Flowers becomes Ritchie”. We married in the summer of 1981 and he surprised me with a honeymoon trip to Scotland and England. After a London Symphony, he rushed me to a bench across the Thames from Westminster Abbey, in order to hear Big Ben strike the hour. He said, “Exactly one year ago I sat here alone, wishing I could share this with someone I love.” God granted that wish.

As the years went on we wanted to figure out ways to share our love story with our four children. One simple thing we did was to get our wedding and honeymoon album out and go through it with the kids. They love to hear about all the lovey-dovey stuff.

Before Scott was born, when John was 2, Alanna, 3½ and Caitlin 5, I spent several hours making a tape for Steve. I talked about our love, then recorded some songs from our dating days, sang songs to him, read poetry and had the kids tell Daddy how much they loved him. To this day, this is one of our families favorite tapes; we all get such a kick when John says, “Daddy, I’m going to give you an oatmeal hug”(we never quite figured out what John was talking about, but he was convincing that it was quite a wonderful thing); and Alanna saying, “Daddy, Daddy; I love you, Daddy (SIGH). Have I told you how much I love you Daddy?” So, parents, if they are preschoolers, toddlers or in grammar school, now is the time to start recording.

A couple years later I took some pictures, glued them on hearts made of construction paper and made them into a mobile using coat hangers. It was quick and inexpensive but the children thought it was special when they came in on Valentine’s morning.

One tired Valentine’s Day evening, Steve surprised me . At dinnertime a babysitter appeared and he told me to put warm clothes on. I fought him on this one, but eventually gave in and about 8 pm we drove down to the beach at Corona Del Mar where he led me to a small cave facing the surf, built a fire and cooked filet mignon with materials he’d smuggled along, including my favorite music to enhance the sound of the surf.

One year we prepared dinner for the kids. We dressed as waiter and waitress and gave them ridiculous menus and bells to call us with. Another year they waited on us, with the table set before the fireplace with candlelight.

In 1997, we were planning our move to Orlando. Homeschooling the kids permitted unusual daytime activities. Because of plant restrictions, we only had the opportunity to visit inside Steve’s work area every few years. The kids and I decorated a table outside the building where he worked with bunches of bright balloons, flowers, candies, gifts, CD player, tablecloth and china plates, then phoned him to meet us outside where we surprised him with a family lunch.

I am not saying we've never argued or disagreed. One time when our oldest was about 4 Steve and I were arguing in the hallway. We realized this was inappropriate. Steve walked into our daughter's room and she was singing, "I hate Jesus". We had never heard such sentiments from her. It was obvious that the tension and pain she was feeling because we were in discord was breaking up her view of life and God. That was a good lesson to us, to keep any further of these 'discussions' as private as possible.

And again, though at times we didn't see eye to eye on issues, we have always been able to remain respectful. There has been weeping at times, but we've always found comfort, peace and unity. Sometimes that 'at times' has been deeply painful but God's love has had His victory. So, our love story in continuing to grow because of God's love that enables us to forgive and move forward.

Children love love. There was nothing more encouraging to them than to see their parents gazing into each other’s eyes, hugging, kissing and cherishing one another. And before they understood the experience of God's love, they sensed that God was real and their world was safe.I want to tell a love story - our love story, because it is full of romance,love and fun. Sometimes love stories brim with drama, despair and confusion and though rich and intense, end with sorrow. Ours is still continuing with much love and hope.

New Book Meme

My bro-in-law tagged me. He's the one that set up my blog in June; each day I learn a little more about the how and what of blogging. So, since HE tagged me, I better respond. Seriously though, words and books are some of my favorite topics, so here goes:

Here are the questions for the current meme:

1. One book that changed your life:

I was a Christian for two years when I was introduced to True Spirituality. It did change my thinking about what it meant to live believing the supernatural was real. It was the first Schaeffer book I read and it always brings me back to why I believe what I do and how to live it out. Reading the rest of his books and having a chance to meet him and hear him teach four times from 73-84 continued to shape me. Though he was not at English L'Abri the shelter there continued to challenge, encourage and teach me why I trusted God even though I didn't understand all of the whys.

2. One book that you've read more than once:

I have to say the series, The Narnia Tales. I've read them once each decade since the 70s, now it is time again. There is much more of an interest in these since the Movie, The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe came out. I cant' wait to see how they handle the rest of his tales.

3. One book you'd want on a desert island:

I'd like to sound really literate and say, Les Miserables like Rick did (and he's the one that loaned me his copy decades ago. I finally read it two years ago) but I think actually a collection of Shakepeare's works would be great. I'd finally be able to sit for hours and days and soak up His stories.

4. One book that made you laugh:

I'll never forget being in a motel in the middle of Missouri doing a recruiting trip for the school I worked for when I was delighted with Kurk Vonnegut's collection of short stories, Welcome to the Monkey House. I've always wondered what my neighboring rooms thought I was doing in there laughing so.

5. One book that made you cry:

Of Mice and Men. I read it on the school bus when a junior in high school. I didn't have a world view that helped me understand this tragedy. It broke my heart and I wept.

6. One book that you wish had been written:

One that helps me understand better God's sovereignty and pain and evil. I believe there are folks who understand this better than I and I have read some of their books, but it still baffles me. Guiness's Doubt: Faith in Two Minds was extremely helpful but I'm ready for Doubt, part II: living in a fallen world and how to remain joyfull.

7. One book that you wish had never been written:

I don't have to think long on this one. There is a book called The Way Home written in the early 80s. I could never remember the name of it and kept calling it No Way Out. It describes a legalistic rule list that equates holiness for a woman with complete misunderstanding of women as individuals in their home and in their culture. Much wrong exegesis and sentiment. Any who knows me know I am not a feminist but next to Pride's book I look like one.

8. One book you're currently reading:

I've read half of Esther Meek's Longing to Know and I'm re-reading it. Superb evaluation of Polanyi's concepts of knowing. I haven't read much philosophy so am very much an outsider here, but she helps the likes of me to start to understand how we know what we know.

9. One book you've been meaning to read:

Uncle Tom's Cabin. This has been recommended to me so often by family (Rick), friend (Debbie Scholz_+) and heroes (Steve's fav professor at Harvey Mudd, Bill Allen and his wife). I've just begun but have by sidetracked by Larry Crabb and Nancy Pearcey and a few spy novels to boot.

My tags will come later in the day.

A Day At the Beach

(My husband & I shared a day with our 4 children,
ages 16, 14, 13 and 10)


Delightful dolphins dabbling
In seashells and sand,
On crested waves and crashing currents;
Building sand castles, dreams
And make believe schemes.
But most of all,
Building bridges that cover
Childish jealousies.

Delightful dolphins-
Intertwined, independent,
Siblings and friends.
One for all and all for one
On this day of adventure;
Glimpses of Glory
Playing with the Wind,
Believing they’re free.

Memories photographed in my mind.
I collect them all;
like seashells I carry
Them back
Cushioning them in my love.
They are my treasures to cherish
In the winter months to come.
Yes, I will remember
The dance of the dolphins
And their gift of joy.


(Dedicated to June who delights with me)

Uphill by Christina Rossetti

Does the road wind up-hill all the way?
Yes, to the very end.
Will the day’s journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend.

But is there for the night a resting-place?
A roof for when the slow dark hours begin.
May not the darkness hide it from my face?
You cannot miss that inn.

Shall I meet other wayfarers at night?
Those who have gone before.
Then must I knock, or call when just in sight?
They will not keep you standing at that door.

Shall I find comfort, travel-sore and weak?
Of labour you shall find the sum.
Will there be beds for me and all who seek?
Yea, beds for all who come.

CHRISTINA ROSSETTI

very few other poets or authors capture the tender heart of a believing chrisitan's walk through life, pain and dying. MomCat (Cathryn)

poem by Madeline L'Engle

Here is one of my favorite poems of encouragement. Enjoy - Cathryn

First Coming
by Madeline L’Engle

He did not wait till the world was ready,
Till men and nations were at peace
He came when the Heavens were unsteady.
And prisoners cried out for release.

He did not wait for the perfect time
He came when the need was deep and great.
He dined with sinners in all their grime.
Turned water into wine. He did not wait

Till hearts were pure. In joy he came
To a tarnished world of sin and doubt.
To a world like ours, of anguished shame
He came, and his light would not go out.

He came to a world which did not mesh,
To heal its tangles, shield its scorn.
In the mystery of the Word made Flesh
The Maker of the stars was born.

We cannot wait till the world is sane
To raise our songs with joyful voice,
For to share our grief, to touch our pain,
He came with love. REJOICE! Rejoice!

Florida Musings - July

FLORIDA EVENING MUSINGS

The billowy-cloud-filled-pink sunset over Lake Hays tonight spoke volumes of praise to His beauty and creativity, "stormy winds fulfilling His Word." California was gorgeous but these summer stormy nights are glorious.

I'm facing south onto our pool and lake , trees (what's left after Charlie) are full and dripping green, egrets and cranes nibbling on the yard which is easier to scavenge after it's mowed, clouds look like they've been painted on, reflecting their twins beneath them. I'll always miss the beaches of California but these palms, oaks and bamboos with their enveloping tropical feel and the silvered lake are hard to beat.

Can Grief Be Called Good?

I wonder as I sit here aching tonight, my head pounding, my sinuses full, eyes swollen and heaviness on my heart that feel like weights, can grief be called good?

I’m too young to see several of my peers dying; that’s what my folks are doing in their 80’s. They seem to take it so in stride. Maybe they just appear that way or they’ve learned to cope with the pain by becoming stoic.

I’ve lost 4 close friends who lived in Texas, Arizona and Florida. Three were younger than me and I’d been close to them for 30, 25, 18 and one year. I do realize that it is a temporary lose for they, like I, trusted in a God who holds them in His hands now. And we wait to meet again…in heaven, in heaven.

I am very thankful that their pains are past (heart problems, rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes and cancer) and there are moments when I am able to focus on the joy of knowing that. But then there are the moments when I think of Deborah and her laughing at funny jokes or remember with such laughter how often I’d run her into side-view mirrors; I kept forgetting she couldn’t see them (she was blind).

I want to call Jayne and read her ‘my story’ that I had a chance to share; she’d be excited that I’m writing more lately. Or talk with Jennifer about being back at our college, and ‘do you remember when’. Then I start to cry because I think of one lose and then I cry for all of them. What was special about them? Partly it was our long years of knowing each other. Two of them I met during college and graduate school when I was single. They watched me struggle through my single years. We prayed for good husbands and God brought them. All watched me raise my little band of kids (4) from babies into the teen years and even college. One friend’s daughter and mine became good friends at the college we all went to. That is sweet.

Two of my friends hadn’t lived near me in over 20 years and one lived near me all of our 18 years friendship. They all had different gifts and personalities. But what they had in common was their love for Jesus and their love for me. All of them were there for me at times in my life when I needed a friend. Though our talks often only happened 2 times a year (with the ones apart) they were as rich and healing in my life as the one who lived near me for 18 years. I would listen to them; each of them had pains, physical and emotional because they all lived in a real world and faced it head on. Sometimes I would cry and they would listen and sometimes vise verse.

And then there was Camille whom I came to love in her last year. We (small group bible study) watched her face her dying, with acceptance, with graciousness. We hadn't known her very long in her living but she gave us the privilege of walking through the shadow of death with her. We grew to know and love her in her dying. A saint gone before us. Grief is good when, in our longing for people we love, we also long for heaven.

I’m very tender these days. I cry easy and my teenagers roll their eyes. Though I have lost so much in losing them, I do realize that I am very rich with the love they gave me. My sadness reminds me that I’m not home yet. I actually feel closer to heaven now; I have friends there and the reunion is soon, very soon.

It is good because I am not without hope. Somehow the tears feel like God’s tears; that He weeps with me for the pain that is a part of His children’s lives, like the pain you experience when your child hurts. I ponder how those who don't have comfidence in heaven walk through times of grief. In their grief, I doubt they can experience any goodness.

I believe grief brings me into God's bosom; my heart seems fuller, sights and sounds of life are richer. Yes, grief is good for it places me close to God’s heart. Without it I run from what is real and close off the pain of parting and remembering. God gives me good grief just as he gives me tears to express the reality of living in a fallen world. Truly it is only good when it brings me as a child to my Heavenly Father, knowing that His Balm to my soul will only be complete with healing when I see him face to face. Oh, Heaven come down!

The Father of Fatherhood - George MacDonald

Here's my favorite George MacDonald quote.

SIR GIBBIE-GEORGE MC DONALD

“And now rose the culmen of Gibbie’s day! Its cycle, rounded through regions of banishment, turned to its nodus of bliss. In triumph he spread over his sleeping father his dead mother’s old plaid of Gordon tartan, all the bedding they had, and without a moment’s further delay - no shoes even to put off—crept under it, and nestled close upon the bosom of his unconscious parent. A victory more! Another day ended with success! His father safe, and all his own! The canopy of the darkness and the plaid over them, as if they were the one only two in the universe! His father unable to leave him – his for whole dark hours to come! It was Gibbie’s paradise now! His heaven was his father’s bosom, to which he clung as no infant yet ever clung to his mother’s. He never thought to pity himself that the embrace was all on his side, that no answering pressure came back from the prostrate form. He never said to himself, “My father is a drunkard, but I must make the best of it; he is all I have!” He clung to his one possession – only clung: this was his father—all in all to him. What must be the bliss of such a heart – of any heart, when it comes to know that there is a father of fathers, yea, a father of fatherhood! A father who never slumbers nor sleeps, but holds all the sleeping in his everwaking bosom- a bosom whose wakefulness is the sole fountain of their slumber!
The conscious bliss of the child was of short duration, for in a few minutes he was fast asleep; but the gain of those few minutes only, the day had been well spent.


sent by Covenant Women...any guesses why that is my blog name? 4 reasons.
Cathryn

Tears Brimming

Tears Brimming by Covenant Woman

Grief arrests us in peculiar ways. Sometimes he’s a violent storm trampling our souls, leaving us battered, bruised. Other times he is a soft breeze rocking us to sleep full of pain and sorrow.
Recently I found him in His gentle state. Tired and bone sore from some physical and emotional wounds I sat down in a chair that wrapped its softness and warmth around me. Resting my head on a pillow, my feet up, weeping overcame me. Not loudly but an inward cry tinged with soft moans. Sometimes the energy to cry can’t be found. Along with pain, a sweet awareness of God’s tender arms permeated the room. His hushing murmurs called me to sleep and I knew He heard the words of my soul.

Tears came, rising out of my well. Just slight – just barely. Brimming in my eyes, they rested while sleep captured me. Awaking twenty minutes later, the tears crested my eyelids and fell. Rinsed and refreshed I was in wonder that though tears were present the pain had fled.

Andree Seu Comforts

I'll never forget the impact of Andree Seu's article, "Three-Legged Cat" had on me. I wept and I loved my husband better. It was following the death of her husband and described intensely the mundane events that caused her to feel off-balance. If you can get ahold of this through World Magazine, do it.

"Won't Let You Go Unless You BLess Me" is a collection of her essays over the last several years. From my brief overview it appears to be some of her best, filled with variety and flavor.

World Magazine published a Limited Edition in May 2006, ISABN 0-9779299-0-6.

To wet your appetites, I'm quoting a couple paragraphs from her first essay (with her permission). I'm hoping that if you've not read her essays that this taste will get you hooked as I am. Her writings encourage, challenge and delight me and often my husband and I find ourselves laughing or tearing. This is her first essay after her husband's death.

"At the memorial service I told them about the little boy in Chonju in 1962 (I hope that's OK), who crossed out all the multiple choices and penciled in, ""All of the above wrong. Man not evolved from any animal." You scrubbed the latrine after school for your contumacy, and your Mom was proud.

God's economy is strange. I would never remove a creature so fine, so before the time (There's a giant hole in the universe now). But I am a catechized lady and I know "He it is who fills the shuttle, who plies the loom and has a billion strands to weave into His tapestry."

And further on, "This is ther first scribbing of mine that will not fall under your discerning eye. You were the writer, dear, pointing men to Christ for exotic markets in a language I never quite learned, more in the manner of Flannery O'Connor than of Francis Schaeffer. For all truth is God's truth.

Rev. Min says when I feel myself sinking I must start from the beginning: What is true? What is real? God is alive. I am His daughter. You His true son."


The billowy-cloud-filled-pink sunset over Lake Hays tonight spoke volumes of praise to His beauty and creativity, "stormy winds fulfilling His Word." California was gorgeous but these summer stormy nights are glorious.

(For Ruth)

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

summertime views; egrets, silvered pond and lush settings

Right now it is almost 10am, yet this post says it is almost 7 am....,so there's something off that i need to learn to fix.
I'm facing south onto our pool and lake , trees (what's left after Charlie) are full and dripping green, egrets and cranes nibbling on the yard which is easier to scavenge after it's mowed, clouds look like they've been painted on, reflecting their twins beneath them. I'll always miss the beaches of CA but these palms, oaks and bamboos with their enveloping tropical feel and the silvered lake are hard to beat.

coming soon, essay by Andre Seu...
Bye.........................Some call me Cathryn or MomCat,
others call me Rose or Flowers...
I respond to all.

Cormorants, Comrades and Tender Words

Since posting John Piper's essay we've driven up and down the coast visiting beautiful beaches (Corona Del Mar, La Jolla, back to the Balboa Pier, Huntington Beach and ended in watching some tremendous waves (12 feet)and buggy-boarding at the Wedge. Heading back to luscious Central Florida on friday, getting reacquainted with the heat and the humidity. But that is where our children our church and our hearts live.

Spent some time with dear comrades: brothers and sisters in the Lord. We've raised our kids together, worship our King, watched as loved ones died and others who still suffer living in this broken world. But in spending time together, Heaven came down and we felt 'Home'.

I'm adding some tender words from Charles Spurgeon. A couple years ago an elder in my church sent this to encourage me. It still does and I hope it will you.

Charles Spurgeon on Suffering: "O child of suffering, be patient. God has not passed you over in his providence. He who feeds sparrows will also furnish you with what you need. Don't sit down in despair, but hope on. hope ever. Take up the arms of faith against a sea of trouble and your opposition shall yet end your distress. There is One who cries for you. His eye is fixed on you, His heart beats with pity for your woe, and His omnipotent hand shall yet bring you the needed help. The darkest cloud shall scatter itself in showers of mercy. The blackest gloom shall give place to the morning. if you are one of His family. He will bind up your wounds and heal your broken heart. Dont doubt His grace because of your tribulation, but believe that He loves you as much in seasons of trouble as in times of happiness. Tested believer, your Lord has a tear bottle in which the costly drops of sacred grief are put away, and a book in which your holy groanings are numbered. Before long He will comfortably appear, to your soul's joy, and make you put away the sackcloth and ashes of lengthy waiting, and put on the scarlet and fine linen of full fruition."

Cormorants are not nuts or insects but black, long necked and beaked birds that gather on the shores of La Jolla along with a few pelicans and seagulls. Fascinated with their symetrical gathering, all in several rows, as if the ocean were a drama they were watching (maybe it is).BYE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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John Piper on Cancer

Though Piper talks about facing cancer I believe his words of encouragment/comfort/challenge can and will help people who suffer.period. A must read:
Pastor John Piper is writing) I write this on the eve of prostate surgery. I believe in God’s power to heal­ by miracle and by medicine. I believe it is right and good to pray for both kinds of healing. Cancer is not wasted when it is healed by God. He gets the glory and that is why cancer exists. So not to pray for healing may waste your cancer. But healing is not God’s plan for everyone. And there are many other ways to waste your cancer. I am praying for myself and for you that we will not waste this pain.
1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, he permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, he can stop it or not. If he does not, he has a purpose. Since he is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design. Satan is real and causes many pleasures and pains. But he is not ultimate. So when he strikes Job with boils (Job 2:7), Job attributes it ultimately to God (2:10) and the inspired writer agrees: “They . . . comforted him for all the evil that the Lord had brought upon him” (Job 42:11). If you don’t believe your cancer is designed for you by God, you will waste it.
2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13). “There is no enchantment against Jacob, no divination against Israel” (Numbers 23:23). “The Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).
3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God. The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God (Psalm 20:7). God’s design is clear from 2 Corinthians 1:9, “We felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” The aim of God in your cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on him.
4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.We will all die, if Jesus postpones his return. Not to think about what it will be like to leave this life and meet God is folly. Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, “It is better to go to the house of mourning [a funeral] than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.” How can you lay it to heart if you won’t think about it? Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Numbering your days means thinking about how few there are and that they will end. How will you get a heart of wisdom if you refuse to think about this? What a waste, if we do not think about death.
5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ. Satan’s and God’s designs in your cancer are not the same. Satan designs to destroy your love for Christ. God designs to deepen your love for Christ. Cancer does not win if you die. It wins if you fail to cherish Christ. God’s design is to wean you off the breast of the world and feast you on the sufficiency of Christ. It is meant to help you say and feel, “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” And to know that therefore, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 3:8; 1:21).
6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God. It is not wrong to know about cancer. Ignorance is not a virtue. But the lure to know more and more and the lack of zeal to know God more and more is symptomatic of unbelief. Cancer is meant to waken us to the reality of God. It is meant to put feeling and force behind the command, “Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord” (Hosea 6:3). It is meant to waken us to the truth of Daniel 11:32, “The people who know their God shall stand firm and take action.” It is meant to make unshakable, indestructible oak trees out of us: “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:2). What a waste of cancer if we read day and night about cancer and not about God.
7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection. When Epaphroditus brought the gifts to Paul sent by the Philippian church he became ill and almost died. Paul tells the Philippians, “He has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill” (Philippians 2:26-27). What an amazing response! It does not saythey were distressed that he was ill, but that he was distressed because theyheard he was ill. That is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer: a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people. Don’t waste your cancer by retreating into yourself.
8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope. Paul used this phrase in relation to those whose loved ones had died: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). There is a grief at death. Even for the believer who dies, there is temporary loss of body, and loss of loved ones here, and loss of earthly ministry. But the grief is different,­ it is permeated with hope. “We would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8). Don’t waste your cancer grieving as those who don’t have this hope.
9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before. Are your besetting sins as attractive as they were before you had cancer? If so you are wasting your cancer. Cancer is designed to destroy the appetite for sin. Pride, greed, lust, hatred, unforgiveness, impatience, laziness, procrastination­all these are the adversaries that cancer is meant to attack. Don’t just think of battling against cancer. Also think of battlingwith cancer. All these things are worse enemies than cancer. Don’t waste the power of cancer to crush these foes. Let the presence of eternity make the sins of time look as futile as they really are. “What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:25).
10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.Christians are never anywhere by divine accident. There are reasons for why we wind up where we do. Consider what Jesus said about painful, unplanned circumstances: “They will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name’s sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness” (Luke 21:12 -13). So it is with cancer. This will be an opportunity to bear witness. Christ is infinitely worthy. Here is a golden opportunity to show that he is worth more than life. Don’t waste it.Remember you are not left alone. You will have the help you need. “My God will supply every need of ours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).
Pastor John (Piper)

poem by Christina Rossett-Since we just celebrated our 25th anniversary, this poem honors love.
Trust me, I have not earned your dear rebuke,
I love, as you would have me, God the most;
Would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost.
Nor with Lot’s wife cast back a faithless look
Unready to forego what I forsook;
This say I, having counted up the cost,
This, tho’I be the feeblest of God’s host,
The sorriest sheep Christ shepherds with His crook.
Yet while I love my God the most, I deem
That I can never love you overmuch;
I love Him more, so let me love you too;
Yes, as I apprehend it, love is such
I cannot love you if I love not Him.
I cannot love Him if I love not you.
Christina Rossetti

More beaches

Drove down coast highway, setting sun, smells of salty sea and eucalyptus. Walked the carpeted curves of the park overlooking Laguna Beach. At every turn, bench and picnic table, "We came here when we only had two kids with our first church brunches, and here with my brother's family and that's where the kids love to body surf, play on the swings and go through the tunnels". If you know Laguna you'll know what I'm talking about. But you don't know the children or the images that are still pressed onto the pages of my memories. sigh............had a drink a Diedrich's and played scrabble with my hubby; he was reading A Pattern Language and I Longing to Know.byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Visiting CA, friends, family and the beaches. Recalls to mind a poem I wrote as a newlywed 25 years ago: I like soft sweaters - after a day at the beach- where the wind and waves have treatted me as a rock - but I'm not - and the softness of sweaters treat me as a woman. End of poem..................I'm not sure how to do all of this, I'm a novice to blogs. When I figure this out I'll be able to put my poetry and other of my favorites in a post. So, until next time..bye

Post One

When I write about the good, the true and the beautiful and read about the same, I feel God's pleasure. Fix a cup of tea or grab a Starbucks Latté and 'Come sit with me'; we'll seek His Shalom, tell our stories, relish what is True, learn from poets, theologians, and friends.